A Bit Pissed...lol

Ok so the other day I read this article about relationships, which is something that I should not do because they always piss me off in one way or another. Mainly because every relationship is different so, yes, while there are similarities and the advisers I genuinely believe are trying to help, it doesn't when they make it sound like their advice is the golden rule for every relationship. I know I get worked up about it more than I should, but HEY... it's my blog. Ok so this particular article was talking about the various needs of both males an females mainly in a sexual sense. Like women need a lot of foreplay and sweet words and men need to be visually stimulated. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Except that the article was saying that men NEED (and yes they did put it in all caps, twice actually) their woman to look sexy in order to be turned it, so women NEED to put on make-up, wear sexy clothes and get their nails done for their man to be stimulated because a woman in her comfy clothes is the biggest turn off. WTF. Now let me say, those things are all GREAT things for a woman to do to look good for her man, BUT they are not things that she should feel unattractive for not having done. Both men and women should be stimulated by their lovers character, and yes while visual things can help, especially for men, I do not think it's fair to say that it's a MUST. So women, do whatever you want to look good for you man or yourselves, but please don't ever feel like you are not sexually attractive if those things aren't done. If he makes you feel that way, please talk to him. But also, make sure that you are not only showing him your physical beauty; you need to show him all the beautiful, sexy things about your character because there are so many of them. I've known guys who think that a woman is even more beautiful in her comfy clothes because they know that not many other people get to see her in her natural state. After my friends wedding this upcoming weekend, I'm cutting off my hair. It's become an idol to me because I've become attached to feeling like I look good with my long hair and making that something or worth to me. It's got to go. If I care more about how I look then my character or my nearness with God that day, then that's what other people will care about too. I want people to see more. I'm not saying I'm going to look like shit everyday and sacrifice looking decent so that other people will be forced to see something else in me, but that I want it to be more balanced. I probably sound so cocky right now, making it seem like I'm a top model with long hair, which is not what I think. I do for sure think that I look better with long hair and having it at one point was a very healthy thing, but it's changed. I feel like I need it to look good and when I feel like I "need" something inanimate like that, I try to get rid of it. We shall see how it all goes. Hey, you are beautiful. Not because of the shape of your eyes or your skin tone, but because of the love you possess and the way you are compassionate on others. Physical beauty is can easily creep up in the priority list, which is has for me. There are enough people in the world who will rate you solely based on your looks, so don't be one of them. Be the main person who sees the value placed upon by being creating with specific things by a God who who love nothing more than for you to give all of things back to him. Oi! Sorry for the in-cohesion of this post. Just feeling insecure today plus angry at society plus emotional about God's desire to have someone with all of my particularities on earth so he created me. He could have created another Mother Theresa in my place, but for some reason I am here and for some reason he adores me. Strange God.

Baby Crisis

I'm going to start out with 2 dreams I had while taking a Psychology of Parenting class. I was also training at the Hope Pregnancy Resource Center so babies were on my mind a lot, I suppose.

The first dream started with me having the baby. I was single so I really didn't feel like I had the resources to take care of a baby at the time. I decided that I would put the baby up for a closed adoption. I really had thought about the options in the dream and felt like that was the right decision for the baby. I guess then it was kind of a "1 year later" type thing, and I was walking around a grocery store. I saw the women who adopted my baby and an adorable toddler sitting in the cart. I immediately went up to them and asked how they were. I asked the mom if I could hold my child and she quickly said no and started speed walking away. I just started balling in the grocery store, realizing that I had given up such a precious piece of myself and could never even be around her. I regretted my decision so intensely and wanted the chance to go back and keep the baby, doing whatever was needed to provide for her. I woke up shortly after that completely distraught.

The dream was so powerful because I know there are women who have actually been in this situation or one like it. I felt like it gave me a tiny glimpse of what someone would feel like in that situation and the pain that would come with both having to make that decision and dealing with the emotional consequences after.

Something that I value a lot is feeling as closely as I can what another human being is feeling. Even if you go through almost the exact experience as another person, you will still not know how they are feeling about it. However, I do not feel like we have to go through every difficult thing in the world to be able to relate. It seems more like a matter of listening and having a desire to feel another's pain so be able to go through the experience with them as much as possible. Plus, you don't have to be a psychologist or counselor to listen to someone. You are completely qualified to listen if you are willing to actually hear and care.

The 2nd baby dream will be blogged and at your fingertips in a matter of days =)

Thanks for reading!

Starting a new blog...

Ok so here's the thing. If you look at my past blogs, you will quickly see that I did not stick with them (my largest blog maxing out at 4 blogs- WOW) So, I'm not saying this one will either lol.

The aim of this blog, however, is selfishly driven in order to get myself back into the advocacy games. It's not about any particular issue, even though I might dwell on one for a while; it's about a variation of topics. Topics are chosen by how much they cause my heart to race and my anger to rise at the injustice, WHICH MEANS that this blog will probably include a lot of personal ranting on subjects that I have only skimmed the service on but am talking about like my hands are elbows deep in that certain injustice's muck.

Also, some topics are somewhat chosen for me. I'm one of those people who have very vivid and memorable dreams and will launch into telling everyone the entire, nonsensical story because I think people want to hear it. I do know, however, that people DO NOT want to hear them. BUT there are a few that have caused me to think about a different situation differently because it became more real to me in a dream so you'll have to bear through those. (Or don't cause no one's making you read my blog. But I appreciate it if you do =))

There are no goals or hopes for this blog really, so please don't have expectations. I hope you are always pleasantly surprised!